I think joy is a deep sense of well being.
I lay in bed in bed this morning, feeling the edges of myself under the warm covers. Chickens clucked next door. Sun poured onto the bed. I picked up my phone and the world far away from my bed came to visit. Friends in beautiful places. Writers with exciting news. In seconds, my little world felt very dull and uninspired. And, if I lay there one second longer, my life would be wasted.
Holy crap, what a way to wake up. What a way to spoil a perfectly fine morning. Well-being leaked out of me.
What if we lived each day without comparison?
What if every minute we knew we were good and delightful?
What if we felt the edges of ourselves as the possibility to know another?
And to let them know us?
This month, I completed several big projects.
The first one was writing and editing my dear friend Ben Livingston’s website. It was a total joy to work with him, and his website is now a complete compendium of his work, his philosophy and his humor. Here it is: https://www.benlivingston.com
The second was a months long project that published this week. My intention was to reframe the tragic event of your book going out of print. First, I interviewed authors and illustrators whose books had gone out of print. Then I interviewed editors and agents to get their perspective. Finally, I dug deeper into the numbers to understand the landscape of publishing.
Here is the series:
I grew up as an author writing this series. While the event of a book going out of print is sad, I no longer wire it up as a failing of mine. It is a publishing event. My gig is writing. I’d best get back to it.
So I feel a lot of pride and joy in these accomplishments. And buoyed. And purposeful.
As I tap, tap tap…
I just got back from a five day retreat with some very fine writers. It was productive and cozy and fun. Here’s what worked: I brought one manuscript to work on and one book to read. That’s it. I checked email a bit but I only responded to necessary things and only at the end of the day. We brought our own breakfast and lunch stuff and each took a night to cook dinner. At the very beginning of the retreat, we each said what we were working on and what we wanted to accomplish. We did one writing prompt per night. And towards the end, we each shared a portion of our work. It was splendid.
One of my very favorite moments was when I shared my writing anxiety with the others: “Does it always feel like the whole manuscript could fall apart at any moment?” Without exceptions, all of my writing mates laughed and nodded.
Oh, good. I’m normal.
Here is the view from our writing perch:
Believe it or not, some people write from this place:
I am so much better
I’ll show them
They will rue the day
Pride turned sour.
You see, we have to have a certain amount of hubris to sit down
in front of the blank page and believe
in the words and the story we are writing.
Sometimes it even feels like audacity
The nerve of me
It’s hard to sustain.
Sometimes those dance partners leave you alone.
And the mean feelings creep in
You won’t die.
Let them pass through you
Know the smell of their shoes.
The stain on their shirt
The crease in their jeans
Then tuck them in your toolbox
A character might need those exact clothes
Once again on Facebook, I paused for quite a while debating whether or not I should wade into a discussion. The initial post was about rectifying a racial wrong. Great, got it. But the tone of the post (underlined by abbreviated swears) was shaming: Like “Hey, you stupid white people, wake the fuck up.”
Maybe some people respond well to shaming. I don’t. I am coated with four hundred years of racism. I have been dipped in it. I am ashamed of how stupid and blind I am even as I pull back the blinkers of my white privilege.
Maybe it is freaking tiresome to be the person of color ALWAYS having to bring up the issue and make the dumb white people aware. I get it. But we have four hundred years of racism and genocide in this country to undo. Let’s do it together. Let’s believe we are all redeemable. Let’s not shame each other.
It doesn’t help. It really doesn’t help.