It’s hard to stay awake and present. 24/7. Impossible, probably . So we put things in place that allow us to go on autopilot. Habits. Rituals. Traditions. Sometimes, they’re good for us, e.g. working out everyday. But even those rituals get stale, and we need to change it up. (You can’t work out the same muscle groups over and over.) I suppose that’s why people implement New Year’s Resolutions. We want to change our habits. We want to feel different. We want to refresh ourselves. We want to unburden ourselves from the yoke of habits, rituals and traditions, and feel the “want” instead of the “should.”

I think these habits, rituals and traditions can get in the way of joy. Sure, if I show up everyday to write, then at least I’m there, ready, in case something great happens. Habits carry us through the bad times, the dull times, the hard spots. But at some point you have to fight your way through the fog of ritual and question, do I really love what I am doing? Do I feel alive? Excited?

Yeah, I know. Sometimes even asking that question is scary. Why upset the apple cart? Maybe it’s better to plod forward yoked to habit, hoping to feel that fabulous excitement in a life I chose thirty years ago.

I don’t know. I really don’t know.